I have to share this embarrassing moment with other women simply to warn them of a possible issue that may occur while trying on sports bras. I really am shocked that this hasn’t happened to anyone else yet, but I definitely want to get the word out so that no woman is harmed by these treacherous ‘sports’ bras.
Here’s my story: Every new year I start a new exercise routine for inspiration and variety. This year I decided to challenge myself by attempting this Couch to 5k program that so many of my Facebook friends have been posting about. After a couple of weeks I realized I was going to need some new ‘support‘ and went to our local sports store (Academy.) I discovered some new bras that were not only cute but promised to “Banish the Uni-boob!” The tag touted it’s schtick “The Great Divide – Shaping, Support & No Uni-Boob.” Wow. I was not aware that my old sports bras were giving me a ‘uni–boob,’ but upon reflection, maybe they were! “What a wonderful new bra,” I thought to myself. I gathered two of them with hangers that declared them a size Medium (my size, at least in my old sports bras) and decided not to try them on since I had other shopping to do and a limited amount of time.
Fast forward to the next day, Monday morning. The kids are gone to school, husband to work and I’m flitting around the house like a, well – a dragonfly, because while I tinker on the computer, I also stop to do other things like: “Oh, yeah, I wanted to finish cleaning the bathtubs. Oops, laundry needs to get started. Oh, I need to go through those papers cluttering the dining room table. Uh, there’s some dishes that need to be put into the dishwasher. Are those leaves on the floor? Let me just sweep those up.” Are you getting the picture? I am an ADHD homemaker. Where was I? Oh yeah, the bra fiasco.
My daughter and her two fellow cosmetology students/friends generally swing by our house for a quick bite to eat & bathroom use before continuing on to their Cosmo class located on the other side of town. When they arrive this morning I’m scampering about the house when I realize I never did try on those new bras. I needed to try them on before cutting the tags off and washing them with the laundry so I excused myself from the gals in the kitchen and shut myself in the master bedroom to get started.
“Hmmm. I think I’ll try on this cute pink one first.” I took the top half of my outfit off (Ok, I took off my pajama top,) released the sports bra from it’s hanger and began pulling it over my head. “Hmm, this is a tighter squeeze than it should be. I think they might have mislabled this one. It seems extra small.” I get the bra over my head and barely get one arm through it, struggling in a vain attempt to pull the other arm through and while trying to pull it down over my breasts I wonder, “Maybe it’s the new fabric, but it’s still not stretching enough.” When I begin turning red in the face and the bra still won’t move, I give up. “This must be an extra small!” Geez. Alright then, I will just take it off.
I try to pull my arm out and get it back over my head to no avail. I am stuck. Both literally and figuratively. After many deep breaths, groans and near muscle pulls, I am now breathing heavy, starting to sweat and very seriously stuck half in/out of a sports bra! It ain’t going down over my boobs and it ain’t going up over my head and I can’t move my arms. UH OH!!!!!!!
I hear the girls talking in the kitchen and say aloud, “Thank God! Tara is still here!”
I crack open my bedroom door and raise my voice (as much as I can considering I am out of breath from the struggles with that damn bra) “Uhhhh – Tara! Tara, can you come help me for a minute?”
I hear her approaching and when she walks around the hallway corner she sees me peeking my head out from behind the door. She looks at me curiously while saying, “What is it Mama?”
Yes, indeed. What is it. “Uhm,” I say, “This is kind of embarrassing, but uh, well – I was trying on one of my new sports bras and I think it was mislabeled because now I am stuck and I can’t pull it off!”
She starts giggling and enters the bedroom. I can’t imagine how I must look. A forty-four year old Mama, one arm stuck in the air, one arm stuck down through the bra, boobs popping out underneath from the pressure of being squeezed diabolically by the tightness of the fabric and hunched over – because I couldn’t even stand up straight at this point!
I bend over more at the waist, half waving my one free arm that is stuck upwards and beg, “Just pull it off of me!”
She’s laughing as she yanks it off and I sigh with the freedom of release. She looks closer at the bra and says, “Yeah, this is a small. Have you tried the other bra yet?” I’m frustrated and complaining as I show her the hanger, “Look it says Medium! Darn! I guess I better try the other one on too- while you are here, just in case I get stuck in it!” By this time we are both laughing about my predicament.
The other bra is much easier to get over my head and one arm into, but – uh, nope. I can’t get both arms into it either! I bend over at the waist (again) grappling to pull it off and I hear Tara say in disbelief through her laughter, “Don’t tell me you’re stuck in that one too!”
“Yes, I’m stuck,” I say with disgust. She’s laughing so hard now that I imagine tears are rolling down her face. “Just pull it off of me,” the frustration is evident in my voice. I know we are both girls and related, but it really is embarrassing to be witnessed half in/half out stuck in a sports bra, no matter who is viewing the chaos.
After I get dressed into regular clothes and come walking back into the kitchen where the girls are now all congregated, a light bulb goes off in my mind and I say to them, “Oh my goodness! Can you imagine if I would have tried them on at Academy? I would’ve been in a uni-sex dressing room stall mumbling, “Help me, I’m stuck. Can somebody help me? Ahh!!!!”
We are all laughing while we picture that scenario, but really – how could I have faced a store clerk stuck in that position? Can you imagine? That’s why I am writing this and sharing my embarrassing moment – because whether you are family, friend or enemy – I would never wish that on any woman!!!!
P.S. And by the way Academy store clerks – You are very welcome for me not attempting to try on those sports bras in your store!!!!!!!