Dear Abby Reader Sex Starves Husband

Self help columns can provide endless entertainment for those who devour the daily newspaper.  Just this a.m. I laughed out loud while reading ‘Dear Abby’.  Well, it may have sounded more like a muffled chihuahua’s bark, but I count it as a laugh.  And I was still only on my 1st cup of java!

A wife wrote to Abby complaining about her husband talking dirty to her and grabbing her breasts.  Apparently, he had the audacity to ALWAYS want sex.  Really?  Am I the odd one out, because I thought this was NORMAL behavior for a man.  As a matter of fact, the only times I have known of a man (through hearsay, mind you) that didn’t grab, fondle, beg or talk about sex was when the man in question had a medical problem inhibiting his desire.

Where did this woman come from that she is surprised and disgusted by her husband’s behavior?  Has she not watched television or movies?  Or read a book or magazine?  What dark cover has she been hiding under to not understand her man’s urges?

I learned about men’s inclinations for touching their wives through mere observation when I was a child.  All I had to do was watch my grandparents.  My elderly, wrinkled,  grandpa and my arthritic, frail grandma (complete with her dowager’s hump) baby sat for me throughout my childhood, both summers and after school.  I can still picture her humped over the kitchen stove cooking while watching Grandpa go out of his way to pass her so he could swing his arm back and slap her butt with a loud smack, exclaiming, “Eeeh, heee!”  Grandma would just swat her arm at him like he was a pest.  “Oh, Adrian,”  she’d say, using that same tone mothers reserve for silly children who they love unconditionally nonetheless.  This happened so many times I have it engraved into my mind’s eye along with those old TV favorites ‘Fonzie’ from ‘Happy Days’ and the Dukes of Hazzard.

I remained baffled by this woman’s complaints but went on to read Abby’s response.  She called the lady’s husband clumsy and ineffective, but also said the wife was sex starving the poor man.  Which made me laugh out loud again.  Aren’t  ALL men ALWAYS sex starved?  The definition of ‘man‘ in the Dictionary of Real Life is:

Man:  Male of human species; Personified by testosterone fueled tendencies toward appreciation of violent sports; ALWAYS wants sex; Refuses to read or ask for directions; Acts like a baby when ill

In conclusion, this morning I learned that somewhere, somehow there is a woman who has spent her life living under of a rock (of illusion) and there is yet, one more husband that is starved for sex to add to the growing (pun :-)) population.

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6 Comments

Filed under Family, Random Thoughts

6 responses to “Dear Abby Reader Sex Starves Husband

  1. robert Steel

    I must say that I take offense to your statement. I ask for directions when I need to. 🙂

  2. millie

    I enjoyed hearing about you grandma and grandpa. I remember him slapping her on the butt many times.

  3. Lucky Stars

    Actually the husband’s conduct in the letter to Dear Abby would be a class D felony in New York, but I’m glad that you found it amusing that this woman is being repeatedly sexually assaulted by a spouse she can’t escape.

    It may be normal for a man to always want sex, it is not normal for a man to ignore his wife’s pleas not to touch her and to instead sexually assault her on a regular basis. She is not his property, and marrying someone is not consent to sexual abuse.

    • First of all, I do not condone violence (sexual or otherwise) against women or men. I think TRUE assaults should be punished, including sexual assaults (a serious and not funny subject.)
      Where we differ is in our definition of ‘sexual assault.’ I remember the dear Abby writer saying her husband kept grabbing her breasts. I would define this as ‘annoying’ not ‘assaulting.’ Assaulting is serious. Annoying is just annoying.
      (And btw, in New York, when you are ‘married’ the sexual assault codes change and I do not think this woman could have class D felony charges against her husband for touching her boobs.)
      And in this case, I found both the Dear Abby writer and her husband to be annoying. And I poked fun at it. Because instead of complaining to a stranger the woman should be talking to her husband first and to a doctor second to get whatever is wrong with her body repaired, like Dear Abby told her.
      And hey, here’s a novel idea. If you don’t like your husband get a divorce!

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