Another of my writing class exercises, but this one is pretty much in the ‘memoir’ or ‘essay’ category. I kept it under the 500 word point but I think I may add a little more than what I turned in to my instructor, aren’t ya’ll lucky?
The assignment was to write about something we hate in such a way so that you can hear our ‘voice’. See if you can hear my ‘voice’ below:
I hate it when I order fast food at a drive through restaurant and arrive home to find they have muddled my order. I am a picky eater and have been since birth. My taste buds have expanded their horizons as I have aged but there are still some food items my palate finds inedible. I eat my hamburgers plain and dry. Lettuce is okay, sometimes even onions, but I cannot swallow mustard, mayonnaise or ketchup. I will gag or vomit if those things are on my sandwich, literally. Just the scent of mustard sends my stomach into a roiling storm pushing my gag reflex.
My taste buds are keen to avoid those items. I still remember one event that happened at McDonalds when I was a child. My mother placed our order on the table and as I opened my sandwich wrapper I could smell the acrid scent of wrong items on my burger. My mother returned it to the cashier, explaining that we had ordered the burger ‘plain and dry’ which means just the meat and the bun. I guess the imbeciles working there thought they could pull a fast one on a picky kid and simply took the burger to the back and scraped the toppings from the bun and placed it into a new wrapper. Mom brought the burger back to me and I took one bite and immediately spit it out.
“What on earth?” My mother was annoyed.
I opened the bun and showed it to her. “Look! They just scraped off that junk! I can still taste it!” I pushed it away from me saying, “I can’t eat this.”
After that, I always opened up the burger and looked at the bread first. I didn’t want any more nasty surprises.
In the fast food business, quality help is a rarity. So now, as an adult, I have learned when placing the order to spell it out in no uncertain terms. I say, “I want a hamburger plain and dry. That’s just the meat and the bun. Nothing else on it.” Inevitably, the morons still sometimes mess up the order.
What can you do when you have ordered food to go and arrive home to find it’s wrong? I hate that, especially if I’m starving! It not only ruins my appetite, it irritates my mood. Sure, you can call and complain and possibly get a new free burger out of it. But then you have to take the trouble and the time to drive back to the restaurant, which takes the ‘fast’ out of the food. And then you have to wonder if the cook is spiteful enough to spit on the food or worry about the dimwitted cashier making another mistake.
My brothers and sister think it is hilarious that my youngest child was also born a picky eater. He’s even pickier than I am. They say it’s my ‘pay back’ and that may be true. All I know is this: if Karma is at work in this matter, then there will be oodles of restaurant workers who receive an order so wrong it causes them to gag!