I’ve been busy doing some of the writing exercises from my class and forgot that I still needed to post something on here, oops. So, I am going to share with you my 2nd assignment today (before I get started on the 4th.) This one is all fiction, so ya’ll will have to tell me what you think about my fiction as opposed to my true life pieces.
The assignment was rewriting the following episode, showing what happens. We were supposed to turn it into a scene that unfolds moment by moment, including some diagogue and descriptions that are specific and sensory. And keep it as close to 500 words as possible. (That’s the biggest challenge for this little wordy girl, lol.)
Loretta and Mick were driving down a lonely highway one winter night. The car hit something, making a loud noise. Loretta and Mick bickered about whether he was driving drunk or not, then they got out to see what was hit. They peered into the darkness, seeing nothing.
Just for the sake of clarity, I will call my rewrite “Down the Dark Road” and here it is:
The truck’s headlights cut a small path on the narrow highway as they sped into a tunnel of black. No other cars were present. Normally, Loretta enjoyed living out in the country where she had room to ride her horses in the wide open spaces surrounding their small ranch house. During the daytime with the sunshine beaming down, the land boasted bright colored flowers and butterflies flittering about. But at night, especially nights like this one where even the moonlight was absent, there seemed to be an air of loneliness and an eerie feeling of evil lurking in the shadows.
“Mick, don’t you think you should slow down? What if a deer runs into the road? Reflexes are slower after you’ve been drinking.”
“Damn it, Loretta. I didn’t drink that much and there ain’t no damn deer going to come out running tonight. It’s colder than a witch’s tit outside and that solid black starless sky above says it’s going to rain soon. All of them deer are going to be hunkered down somewhere safe and warm,” said Mick.
“You had more to drink than usual. I saw you taking shots with the guys. And you drank an entire 6-pack of beer. If a policeman pulled you over right now I bet you’d fail the breathalyzer!” Loretta knew from years of experience that once Mick switched from beer to liquor that his personality and equilibrium grew off kilter.
“Well there ain’t no damned policeman out here now is there? Drop it Loretta. We had a good time at the party tonight. Don’t pick a fight on the way home and ruin our evening,” Mick said.
Mick took a long deep breath. He noted his speed (over the limit) and slowed down a bit hoping that would stop his wife’s nagging. She’d been complaining about his drinking and driving for awhile. Seems like every time they went out anymore they had this same argument on the way home. He imagined pulling off his glove and shoving it into Loretta’s mouth. He smiled to himself knowing that would shut her up.
“What are you smiling about Mick?” Loretta looked at him curiously.
He turned his head to look at her, “Just thinking happy thoughts, Loretta.” When he looked into her ocean blue eyes, his heart immediately melted. He reached across and placed his hand gently on Loretta’s head, loving the feel of her soft, silky red curls springing out in long spirals.
Before he could turn his head back, the steering wheel jerked, there was a loud thump and it felt as if the truck ran over a large animal. Loretta screamed while Mick slammed on the breaks and the truck slid sideways half off the road.
“Did you see what that was?”
“No, I was looking at you, Mick. We better check it out. I think it might’ve been an animal.”
Mick reached inside his glove box and grabbed his flashlight and pistol, quickly loading some ammo into it. He didn’t want to leave an animal suffering if it wasn’t dead. He also didn’t want to get attacked by it either. “Let’s go see,” said Mick.
Stepping outside, Loretta could smell the hint of rain in the air along with another musky odor. She scrunched her nose as another scent, a sour moldy smell, invaded her nostrils. She quickly got behind Mick while they walked slowly away from their vehicle. As Mick used the flashlight to try to see what they hit, the light on it flickered and died, leaving the couple standing in the road peering into a thick darkness where nothing could be seen.