There but for the Grace of God go I…

I experienced one of those moments today that made me think:  “There, but for the grace of God, go I…”  I received a call from an old high school friend who lives in the same town as I do now but we really don’t hang out together.  We’ve talked on the phone a few times since we randomly ran into each other a couple of years ago and exchanged phone numbers.  We send Happy Holidays text messages to each other but that’s about it.  She called out of the blue because she needed to borrow $7 to take a test for a new job.  She also needed this money delivered to her because she doesn’t have a vehicle.  It seems her life has taken her down many rough roads, high drama and bad luck.  I gladly helped her out but was left thinking “Oh wow.  That could’ve been me.”  If I had made one wrong choice that led me down a different path, I too could be in the sad position of needs of the most basic kind.  It’s quite a scary thought.  It made me really appreciate my life how it is right now.  And quite frankly, I feel spoiled.  And lucky.  And thankful.  Because I live in a nice house, I get to take care of my children, I have a dependable, trustworthy husband, and if I need something – I just drive myself to the store and get it.  Some people, like my old friend, do not have those luxuries.

Sure, I complain a lot about all the aches and pains of turning 40ish but it could be so much worse.  Thinking of how some people live – well, I guess the line between normal and poor white trash is pretty narrow and easy to cross over if the wrong choices occur.  We all sometimes think of ‘How things could’ve been’ for the better, like if we had gotten that certain college degree instead, or took that other job, or traveled the world before we had children – but how often do we stop and think, ‘Well, things could’ve been worse…’ realistically?

It’s good to have people in your life who are reminders to count your blessings and be thankful.  Everyone needs a wake up call occasionally to the realities of our lives.  Every choice we make does have direct effect on our futures even when we don’t realize it.  Sometimes it takes years of being on a road before you realize that the other road running next to you is much bumpier and if you would’ve taken that road instead, well, you very well might have made some wrong turns, gotten lost and not be where you are today.

There, but for the grace of God, go I…(thank you God for getting me where I am today because You know I would not have made here without you!)

The Little Things in Life

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted because I’ve felt crappy for one reason or another and I seem to get depressed this time of year anyway.  Rather than write a litany of my ailments (oh the joys of passing the big 4-0 and hitting middle age) and whine, complain and groan relentlessly on and on, I thought I’d just not write for a bit.  But I can’t call writing my hobby if I don’t do it (duh!) so I’m back.  However, I might digress a bit as I pass on some humor here, so forgive me if you catch any sarcasm mixed in with my thoughts.

KIDS STUFF:

At the beginning of the school year C.D. would come home talking all about girls and who liked him, who teased him, etc. etc.  It had been a little while since I’d heard anything so last week while driving him home from school, I asked,

“So, what kind of girls do you have chasing you around school now?”

His reply:  “Hot ones!”

Oh joy.

Then:

Last week when I wasn’t feeling up to par, my wonderful, sweet & loving daughter left me a sticky note on my dayplanner that read

“You’re the bestest Mommy in the whole wide world!”

It’s little things like that – they just make my day.  T.J. is full of compliments for me, sometimes she’ll just walk past me and look and say things like “Oh Mommy, you’re so cute!” or “You’re so tiny & cute!” and my heart warms.  It’s not often 15 year old girls talk to their mothers like that.  I am so glad we have a good relationship.  The other day she told me one of her teachers told her “T…you must come from a good family because I really liked your older brother and I really like you too.“  It’s nice to hear things like that because it makes me feel like we’re doing something right as parents because often I feel like I’m not doing the ‘parenting’ thing right.  I have moments of doubt even though I think my kids are fantastic – it’s also easy to look back over past mistakes I’ve made.

Change of Subject:

And now my ADD (that stands for Attention Deficit Disorder, if  you’re reading this Mom) kicks in:

the kids talked us into trying out Netflix on Chance’s xbox 360.  The first month was free and I was going to cancel it after that because of the availability of R+ worse rated shows and I didn’t want the kids watching trash.  But, I started finding movies I wanted to see and couldn’t rent, and well, let’s just say I’m a bit hooked now.  But you can view the list of shows watched so I’ll know if they watch something they shouldn’t have when I’m not around.  The only one that might do that would be my sweet girl because she likes horror movies, and admittedly there are some raunchy scary movies out there.  I had to make her stop watching one the other day when the creepy guy in the movie was drugging people to make a human centipede – and well, errr, the way he was planning to attach them was just plain sicko.  Having so many movies to choose from at your leisure is extremely convenient especially when you don’t feel good and there isn’t crap on TV.  I haven’t been reading as much lately because I can’t seem to stay focused, which is weird for me.  So, it’s a nice reprieve.  And for years I missed out on a lot of movies because of well, life, but now I’m getting the opportunity to catch up.  Not sure if this is a good thing or bad thing…or just a thing. lol.

The more that you read,
the more things you will know.
The more that you learn,
the more places you’ll go.  (from Dr. Seuss’s ‘I can Read with My Eyes Shut!‘ book)

Speaking of reading, I sped read through the rest of that Dr. Seuss philosophy book.  Nothing really interested me much after first few chapters and after my initial excitement at the idea of it dwindled, I decided nothing else needed to be written about it.  There was no big reveal, no giant epiphanies, no new secret to happiness.  The only thing I took away from the whole book was the fact that happier people tended to think more childlike.  I think I would’ve been better off simply re-reading some of our old Dr. Seuss books.  I may still do that yet…

Maybe my depressing mood has a little to do with the dreary overcast weather we’ve been having.  We don’t even get a magical blanket of snow to break up the monotony of winter weary weather here – it’s too warm.  So while it may look like winter outside it sure doesn’t feel like it.  It can’t be good for the soul to sweat just by walking outside in the morning with a cup of coffee in January, right?  South Texas weather has the ugh! humidity factor.  If they started a new reality show called “The Humidity Factor” and had contests on the most humid places to live – well, I think our city might just be able to grab that top prize!  ha…ha…ha.

ADD time again.

Sunday church time, we had a guest preacher.  A passionate black man with ‘preacher’s voice’ (ya know, the highs, the lows, fluctuations and intonations to get or keep your attention) and he was enjoyable to listen to.  One laugh I have to pass on:  He was talking about women when they were younger, He pranced across the stage walking like a girl and quoted the girls as saying in a high pitched voice “Oh, my body looks so good,” (he sashayed his hips a few more times) “Oh, my body looks like a coca-cola bottle with all of it’s curves” and then he stops and says deadpan “Well, now that your middle-aged it looks like a coke bottle too – It’s just that it’s a 2-liter now!”  Lol.  He also said when talking of Heaven and Hell “There are only two sections in Eternity people – Smoking and Non-smoking – which one do you want to be in?”  I really liked that but had to explain it to my sweet T.J. later, when she said to me “You better stop smoking then Mommy!”  lol.  she took it literal.  Then I told my Mom about it.  She also took it literal – so I had to explain it to her too. LOL!  (Like Grandma, like Granddaughter   Oh, their sweet innocence.

SAD NEWS:

Prayers are still needed for my mother-in-law who suffered a major stroke Dec. 27th and is having a very slow recovery.  They are looking at skilled nursing homes to place her in next week.  This is sad and depressing.  Nobody wants to think about the maladies of old age when they are younger and seemingly indestructible but it happens anyway.

‘Nuff said.

(I quoted Sam Elliott there, from an old Western movie I watched on Netflix…fyi)

Meals on Wheels

Today was my last day as a volunteer driver for the Senior Citizen’s Center Meals on Wheels program.  I’d been doing it for a few years now but as I didn’t always have a person riding along with me my husband didn’t feel it was safe for me driving around delivering meals on the bad side of town by myself.  Some houses you have to take the food inside and set it down because the people are disabled and I wouldn’t want my daughter doing that by herself so I can understand where he is coming from (although I was never scared, I am 5’2 and bullet proof, ya know, lol).  Since the kids were out of school on break I had the two younger ones ride along with me to help. (And to help them realize how good they have it compared to some).  T.J. were a Santa hat and when we walked the meals to the doors the elderly were so happy to see her – you could see their eyes just light up.  One lady said “Well, who is this little elf?  God Bless You!”  She got a lot of comments but eventually she got too hot and had to take it off so the people near the end of the route missed out.  When we were almost done she said, “Now Mama, this is it, this is your very last meal to deliver….Then they’re going to be delivering them TO YOU!”  haha.  I was like “What???”  She said, “I’m sorry – I was just kidding!!! But you have to admit, that was funny!”  Then she laughed so hard she snorted, hiccuped and lost her breath.  Ha. ha. ha.  I had to laugh too, but still, I was like “Knock on wood, Knock on wood!!!!”

So, next year I need to find another way to volunteer some time to help out some where.  I was thinking about the friends of the library but am not sure yet.

Weird Dreams

I’m not sure what a dream interpretation book would say about the dream I had last night, but it sure was a doozy.  It just started off strange, with my family and myself going to some type of local play at the college town I grew up in as a child.  For some reason we had to stop by some people’s house who were some type of animal caretakers and we visited with some people we knew (who were from my current town of residence) and when we went outside there were so many people leaving the theater and college students rushing around that I got lost in the crowd and separated from my family.  The next thing I knew I was being pushed onto some train with a crowd of strangers.  After riding the train a short distance , the doors of the train opened and I exited noticing a carnival in the distance near a mountain (that looked nothing like the town I grew up in) so now I had no clue where I was.  While looking at the lights of the carnival I noticed a huge Ferris wheel – like the world’s biggest Ferris wheel in Singapore.  I exclaimed amazement at it and then the next thing I knew some type of piping popped out from it and a trapeze artist began swinging in a huge arcs around with the Ferris wheel.  I like a little excitement and thrills in rides but even I knew in my dream that this would be terrifying.  The ropes he was swinging from stretched so far out that when he was at the top of his arc he was nearly touching the clouds.  When the ride stopped and he stepped off I noticed that his wrists had been tied to the ropes so he couldn’t fall while looping around and I made the mistake of saying “Oh, well then that wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be.”  Which made people around decide that I would be the next one to ride!  I don’t know how they got me hooked up but in my dream I remember circling around and as I got to the top of the arc being scared to death but I just held on to the ropes and let my body dangle from the far and as I started the downhill part my stomach started to drop like going down the hill on a roller coaster.  But then I realized that it wasn’t that scary, it was actually kind of fun.  That’s when I started enjoying the ride to that the next time I was up near the clouds I stretched out my body like I was flying like superman and went down that way, laughing and whooping and hollering.  Every time I’d loop around my stomach would drop a little like the roller coaster ride but then the fear would turn into fun again.

Strange, but fun dream.  Don’t know why I dreamed it…haven’t seen any carnivals lately…

Holiday Concerts

Tis the season for jingle bells and Christmas music.  This is C.D.’s first year of band so we were able to go see his junior high Christmas Band Concert last night.  It was at the new Fine Arts center here in town.  A very nice building (thanks to our tax dollars) but the audience was only a 1/2 to 3/4 full and the parking lot was over capacity.  Just like our silly town leaders to build a nice new building and then forget that it needs adequate parking for the people who will be attending events there.  I don’t understand why the ‘powers that be’ can’t seem to think things through.  Duh!

Poor parking aside – the concert was great.  Unfortunately C.D. doesn’t play an instrument that sits him up front so the only part of him we could see from the audience was the top of his Bassoon.  But we took pictures afterwards and I have to say he looked really sharp in his ‘dressed up’ clothes.  I had bought him the outfit the day before and when his brother saw it he said “Oooh, you’re gonna be looking fly!”  I laughed and said “Yeah, all the girls will be following you around.”  C.D. just grinned and said, “There’s this girl in my first period class and that’s all she does now – she just follows me everywhere I go!”  He’s such a little ladies man.  Last Sunday at church a little girl, not even 2 years old yet, latched on to him in the pew.  She kept bringing him drawings and touching him and smiling.  It was so cute.  Younger, older, the same age, it doesn’t matter, all the girls seem to like that boy.  Can’t say I blame them, he is a sweetheart, and he’s funny.  The kind of ‘Random’ funny where you end up laughing when you didn’t expect to.  For instance, the other day I was in the living room watering our Christmas tree while  i heard a clunk in the other room.  As I glanced over he was just walking in a circle.  I said “What in the world are you doing?”  He said “I’m just getting my exercise.”  Naturally, I go investigate the noise and sure enough, there on floor is our little block of wood that was a souvenir from Kentucky that has printed on the top of it:

Exercise Block

1.  Place block on floor

2.  Walk around it twice

3.  SIT DOWN! Relax

Congratulations – You have just walked around the block twice!

He makes me smile quite often with little things like that.

The other two kids have a good sense of humor too.  T.D. likes to do this little dance where he sticks his butt out, shakes his hips and swings his head like he has long hair (which he doesn’t, he always keeps his hair cut really short) to some pop songs that T.J. likes.  She loves watching him do it and always says “Do your dance!”  The fun comes in because she wants me to see him but he always makes sure I’m looking the other way and when I turn, he stops.  (This normally happens in the kitchen while I am cooking.)  She gets so frustrated, “Oh Man!  You missed it again!”  Well, yesterday when we were all in the kitchen and the radio was playing he started doing the dance again.  He stopped when Tara hollered “Look Mama!”  But I tricked him this time.  I knew he would do it again because it was just the beginning of the song.  I was standing by the fireplace and started acting like I was picking my teeth with a toothpick in the mirror above it but I was actually watching him.  So when he started doing the dance again I yelled “I saw it!!! I saw you in the mirror!”  while jumping up and down and letting out a ‘whoop!’ I was tickled pink.  He wasn’t.  “Oh NO!  I can’t believe you caught me!  Awww!”

Just another example of how Moms have eyes in the back of their head!  haha.

Chapter 3 in the Seuss Philosophy Book

This chapter deals with comparing Seuss to Marx which makes for a rough start since most of us have preconceived ills on Marxist Philosophy (he’s against capitalism) but the author brings you in by talking about alienation.  Specifically, how people who work a monotonous job become alienated (by boredom) and so search for happiness by buying a new tv, having plastic surgery, sex, drinking, etc.

“One can best describe the culture of consumerism as the unbridled consumption of commodities for the satisfaction of psychological needs that cannot be satisfied through  the practice of consumption.”  (“Advertisers know this.  That’s why commercials are premised around the idea that you are unacceptable as you are, but you may be able to remedy the situation through just one more purchase.  Consumption becomes the way in which we orient ourselves to the world and others.”)

The author says that we need healthy interpersonal relationships and productive activity to be happy and that some jobs make this impossible.  But if we organize society in such a way that each person can express themselves through their labor (productive activity) and make it where one freely choses this labor – thus reform society – everyone could be satisfied.

Unfortunately, the author admits this is idealistic and cannot offer up any solutions or ‘reforms’ that help.  It seems that basically the author wanted to express that Marx wasn’t all bad and actually made a logical objection to capitalism because of what it does to people – it hurts themselves & others by “denying them the capacity for self expression through free, conscious activity.  People need to be recognized for what and who they are, and wage labor doesn’t provide that.”

Hey, I’ve been there – working a boring job and not being satisfied with it.  The problem with the author’s opinion is if everyone gets to freely choose their labor – who is going to clean the public toilets?  Who is going to work the fast food jobs?  I dare say not many would freely choose this labor, if any.  Capitalism may not be perfect but until someone can come up with a better idea it seems to be the only valid option.  I was disappointed with this chapter…hopefully, the next one will have more Seuss and less sluss.

Christmas with the Nutcracker

I want to share a story about T.D. that happened one year near Christmas.  It was the first Christmas of living in a new town for the kids and I so I wanted to make it extra special by attending all of the holiday events available.  The wonderful church shows, holiday lightings and of course the annual Nutcracker Ballet performance.  This would be the first ballet attended by our family so I was excited to take the kids.  They were young, T.D. was 7, T.J 5 and C.D. was only 3.  They didn’t know what a ballet was so I basically just told them we were going to a Christmas show called the Nutcracker.

T.D. didn’t really want to go but I kept insisting it would be fun.  As we were driving over there he once again looked at me.  Imagine my surprise when I glanced at him and saw his big eyes filled with fear.  He put his hand on his groin area and said, “Mama…I really don’t want to see a nutcracker!”

I finally realized what he was scared of – he thought we were going to see someone cracking somebody’s testicles!!!!

I laughed and explained to him that in fact we would not be seeing that action.  Every year since then we both get a laugh at Christmas time when we hear about the “Nutcracker” performances!